making relationships work

Why Do So Many Relationships Fail?

Not all relationships fail for the same reason, nor is there usually only one reason for the breakdown. Some of the most common reasons are:

• Poor communication
• Financial problems
• A lack of commitment
• A dramatic change in priorities
• Infidelity

Successful Couples:

• Clarify expectations before committing to a relationship. If there are disagreements - one wants to freelance while the other partner wants him/her to have a regular job - they think seriously about whether the relationship will work. Later they periodically talk about how each one´s expectations are being met, or are changing, and reorient themselves so that neither is resentful or caught by surprise.



• Watch what they say to each other. Couples who avoid making critical or contemptuous remarks in a confrontational tone are able to negotiate and resolve differences. They accept that life is full of compromises and that the quality of their relationship is more important than winning.



• Give each other breathing room. Commitment can often create an identity called "us" that has the same opinions, likes & dislikes, and the same friends. The result can be couples who feel trapped and smothered. Successful couples maintain "me" interests, "me" hobbies and even "me" friends. This way they retain their individuality and keep the relationship fresh and interesting.



• Don´t take each other for granted. Time and a false sense of security can erode the strongest love. Successful couples continue to be as courteous and caring and respectful towards each other as when they first met. They see their spouse as important and don´t put other things first such as work, hobbies or children.



• Are positive & mutually supportive. In a happy relationship, couples make at least five times as many positive statements to and about each other and their relationship as opposed to negative comments.



• Seek help sooner than later. They don´t wait until the break up is final to seek professional help. Going to counseling is not an admission of failure, it can help turn a relationship around.

Stress Busters